I have been witness or participant in several conversations lately that all center around friendship or the phenomena of people coming into and out of others’ lives. I guess I have been thinking about/experiencing this a lot lately. But I also think that while I was/am hurt by some of what I have experienced, I have also done a really good job of rationalizing. I just chalk it all up to “that’s what happens when people grow up and their lives change.” But is it really?
I ask this because I can definitely see how that is true in some cases, but in the course of all this discussion and thought it has also dawned on me that perhaps some people were never as great as I thought they were. Or as great as others thought they were. Perhaps sometimes the easy answer is the right one–that being that in some cases a person is just an asshole, end of story. This is where I have great appreciation for the human mind and emotion. We are so easily blinded or led to see people, things and situations in a way that we want them to be true. In a way that makes us feel good. Sometimes we are blinded by that need.
When I moved last year a lot of different things came to a head. I seized the starting over opportunity that a new job, a new city, a new home offered me and made a decision not to be around people who made me feel bad about myself or who sucked the happy or life out of me with every interaction. What continues to amaze me about my decision is how little guilt or bad or whatever negative feeling I should have;I actually feel about it. Maybe my tolerance is dwindling. Maybe I cared more about surrounding myself with people, ignoring the quality of those people.
Whatever it was I feel pretty confident stating that I am over it. I find myself being very selective and somewhat guarded about the people I am letting into my personal life. I am happier with the smaller circle.
I believe the friendships that have strengthened this year are the real deal. I am experiencing a great outpouring of love and care. I am extremely grateful for those invitations, phone calls, drop-ins, etc. that let me know that someone is thinking of me. Someone knows that I am here by myself and they want to make sure I am okay. I am happy. Do I want some company? Do I want to talk about what is going on? Telling me I’m not alone.
I feel cared for. Cared about. Not just by a few, but by all the people I call friends. It is a remarkably wonderful feeling.
So in the end, when having these discussions about friendship and people coming in and out of lives, my summation usually is: that is what life is all about. People come and go. Sometimes they stay for a long time, sometimes it is brief. What is important is how you feel when you are in the middle of it all.
That’s the way life is. And that is totally okay by me.
PS- I am so not ready for the holidays, but more on that later!
